What's Up Next. Indeed.

February 2006.

A friend of mine used to be an assistant for a certain famous magician that had fallen on hard times and was now turning the birthday party circuit. One of the parties included a trained monkey. The magician warned my friend that the monkey would make the rounds shaking hands, and told him to not make a sound if it pulled a few hairs from his arm while doing so.

"You don't want to spook this monkey", he continued after a pregnant pause.

"He killed a man once."

The magician told of a previous party which included him, a trained pony, a clown that doubled as emcee, and the monkey. After the clown announced what would turn out to be his last words, the monkey rolled out on a miniature motorcycle in a tiny cop uniform and attempted to start it's act. But then the horse from the previous act suddenly got scared of Officer Chimpy and reared.

The monkey, freaked out by the horse, leapt for safety onto the clown's face and began beating him with his own microphone. The trainer tried to detain the monkey with the shock collar, but by that point the monkey and clown were completely entangled in microphone cable. The blast from the shock collar blew the clown's pacemaker out of whack, killing him deader than shit in front of dozens of horrified children.

The monkey, realizing the clown was dead, took a shit on his chest and ambled off to be collected by the trainer before the cops arrived.

However, the best part is...

The clown's last words were "Hey kids! If you liked what you just saw, wait until you see what's next!"