Shape-Shifter.

November 2008.

Dig out your favorite pic of your ex; I know you still have one. You don't have to admit it to me.

We're going to play a game called Shape-shifter.

Take a good look at your ex's face. Look at it from several angles, and try to build the face you saw when you first met and when you first started dating. The face in your mind, built from all the sneaky little glances you took when you thought they didn't know you were looking. An image you may have worked on for months or years of quiet curiosity.

Once you've got that image firmly solidified, move it temporarily out of mind. This next part of the game is much harder. Take a couple of nice deep breaths.

Go at the picture anew, look at it from several angles, and try to build the face you saw when you believed you really, finally had something special. The image you held onto throughout the rough times. Sure they had their faults, and their idiosyncrasies, and things that drove you downright crazy. But it could be worked through, because this is the one you who understands you best. And this is what they looked like to you.

Clear your mind one more time. This next part, to be honest, could be easier or harder, depending on circumstance and the kind of person you are.

Look at the picture one last time. See the person you saw when it was all over. That lying snake, that suffocating bitch, or perhaps even worse, the person you no longer love anymore. The image you hold on to as you look for a new apartment, reacquaint yourself with your friends, and probably just through the first few incredibly awkward blind dates you have with other people.

If you've been playing the game right, you should have completely lost track of the fact you've been looking at the same damn picture.

Speaking of that picture, which image do you see now? If it's been long enough ago, none of the previous images should appear. The face alters frequently, shifting shape.

If consequence brings the two of you together, the same thing occurs. You see that cute little thing they do with their lip, that clever little offside glance, then you catch that inappropriately arrogant sneer, those pissy little affectations and strange sudden broad declarations... It's hard to tell when to be on guard or feel comfortable.

You know what? We're all doing that. I'm completely confident at least one person reading this wound up playing that "Shapeshifter" game with one of my pictures. And all you have to look forward to is playing this game again.

It's not a bad argument for arranged marriages.