Fetish For The Amateur.

March 2009.

"When you make a thing, a thing that is new, it is so complicated making it that it is bound to be ugly. But those that make it after you, they don't have to worry about making it. And they can make it pretty, and so everybody can like it when others make it after you." - Pablo Picasso

I'm at the thrift store, in the pants aisle, and I happen upon a pair of khakis with a series of ones and zeroes, scrawled in sharpie, spiraling from the belt loops down to the cuffs of the legs.

And I'm looking at the binary pants, wondering (and marveling more than a little) at how and why these even came into being and how they even managed to cross my path. And it seems, suddenly, like a very dramatic symbol, maybe even an indictment, of my existence.

It's not even a matter of keeping an eye out for the strange. These otherworldly, inexplicable orphans of aesthetic just seem to find me; whether it's what was obviously some parent's home-brew attempt to knock-off a popular toy for their kid, an angry, spastic cassette tape recorded in a den 20 years ago, a floppy disk of some hobbyist's fanfic dungeon crawler that never left the basement, a bizarre home-made fashion statement, or a zine found under a shelf at a bookstore. There's is not even enough information available to trace the path of this thing from it's place of origin.

I'm fascinated by the amateur. I'd even say I have a fetish for it. Happy accidents, unreproducible coincidences. Bands who were doomed from the beginning, writers and artists whose undocumented life story trailed off into god-knows-where after they had left their dreams behind. These professionally-clueless stabs at a brutal, unforgiving universe. Discovering the gems amongst these has provided many of my most rewarding and enjoyable experiences.

And I think of the things I do, my strange and arcane obsessions and influences, and the effects on my artistic output. I mean, simple logic infers that if all of your main influences have severely limited appeal, then the appeal of your output would be even smaller... the "shrugs and shaking heads", as NeonEmu used to describe her observed audience reaction to my performances. Even positive reviews of my art include the disclaimer that I need to hire someone to "explain why what I do is good", which isn't terribly reassuring on reflection.

It's not like I don't appreciate craftsmanship, and I'd hate to think that anyone would step away from something I created and not understand how much work and how much thought went into it. Just because I allow chaos a lot of breathing room in my finished products shouldn't detract from the premeditation and structure of the composition.

But any trip down the aisle of a department store or a scan of the radio dial will betray that "craftsmanship" isn't exactly what most people are seeking out, at least "craftsmanship" by any definition I recognize.

Originally, Chicken McNuggets were fried in beef fat. In later years, they switched to vegetable oil, and sales suddenly plummeted. Soon they figured out that adding artificial beef flavoring to the Chicken McNuggets brought sales back up to previous expectations. I wonder sometimes if that is the "craftsmanship" I'm expected to utilize.

You'd think at this point in my career, I'd at least be enough of a failure to be interesting.

And no, I didn't buy the stupid pants.

Wish You Were Here - Postcard Number 69 - 1982

Dear E__ + F___:
We are thinking about you - Hope it has rained - we need it much. We are quite busy - but only of the pleasure. I had to drop a capped tooth so have to sit in the Dentist chair and relax!! Sunday we went to Thullers Chrystal Cathedral and Wayfarers Chapel (an all glass church) there was a wedding when we got there - and another waiting to get in - Went to Forrest Lawn Cemetary - Universal Studios - and on my birthday they took me to Lawrence Welk's 1000 acre vacation + Retirement Ranch Huntington Gardens + Museum - + Little Tokyo, China Town + Old Spanish Town, Spruce Goose + Queen Mary and we are still going except when I am at the dentist. Will see you after June 4.

Wish You Were Here - Postcard Number 68 - Jun 1983

Dear L___,
We're having a great time. Monday we went on a 2 hr horseback ride and yesterday we rode the train. As you know, we have seen some beautiful country. We'll see a melodrama in the old Staten Hotel tonight + go river rafting Friday. The kids love the Alpine slide + go down a couple of times a day. See you Sunday!

Wish You Were Here - Postcard Number 67 - Jun 6, 1985

Dear L___,
We're having a great time A___ is doing better, but she was really sick when we left Rescue. We spent 3 days at CES - learned a lot + walked a lot. We made lots of business contacts. We're going to see Cats at the Schubert theatre downtown. We've rented a car + have driven everywhere. The traffic is wild. David has become a real city driver. Sight seeing will fill our next 3 days.

Wish You Were Here - Postcard Number 66 - July 17, 1984

Dear Mama,
This is Tuesday. It is very beautiful here. Our condo is off to the left of the picture about a block.

We have gone to the beach and shopped around while the guys play golf. They've played 91 holes after today. They love it. We all have dinner together.

It's very hot & humid during the day but I'm enjoying being here.

Love you

Wish You Were Here - Postcard Number 65 - September 6, 198

This finds me in Israel and thus far has been a super trip. I'll be reading for ages to review all the many things I have seen.

Please in some of your planning, try to schedule a trip over here. You will never forget it.

Wish You Were Here - Postcard Number 64 - March 17, 1981

Dear Mom and Dad,
We arrived Sat about 10:30. We drove straight through. The weather has been great. The snow is very nice at the top of the Mt. but toward the bottom it is slushy. Well I'm sore but having a good time. I hope you both are relaxing and having a good time. See you later.

Wish You Were Here - Postcard Number 63 - 1981

Beautiful trip. Arrived 10 minutes early. The A's were there to meet me. Talked to the B___'s. Will go there for short visit tomorrow and lunch. C____ has an Aunt in the Bronx, she will visit her. Not much traffic on Sat. I am fine. Sure slept last night. 92 degrees. Hope you're all ok.

Wish You Were Here - Postcard Number 62 - August 1, 1980

Dear Auntie and Uncle E___,
Got here all safe and sound. This city is quite lonely and this hotel seems to be in the middle of everything. It's also not terribly hot here - 92 degrees when I arrived and I'm enjoying that a lot. There are flowers everywhere.

Wish You Were Here - Postcard Number 61 - May 1977

This is our new home.

Wish You Were Here - Postcard Number 60 - January 16, 1976

Hi Old Dear:
How is the Land Of Ice And Snow up there?
I am having a good time but a little lonesome without G___. But I guess I will survive for a while.

Wish You Were Here - Postcard Number 59 - 1975

Dear Aunt J__,
We're on our way back from spending several days with friends in Huntsville, Alabama. And almost two weeks with my folks in Texas. It was great. We stayed just a block from my folks and saw them + some interesting places in the Rio Grande Valley each day.

Wish You Were Here - Postcard Number 58 - December 29, 1973

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

I came here from Florence just for the day. Wanted to see the countryside but there was a heavy fog which restricted one's view - also there are many tunnels which also restrict the view. Venice looks a lot better in pictures than for real!! Best wishes for a wonderful 1974.

Wish You Were Here - Postcard Number 57 - 1973

Dear Niece,
Hope you have a nice Easter. I am real well and am with R___. No news. Lots of Love.

Wish You Were Here - Postcard Number 56 - August 17, 1973

Dear M__,
Having a great time. Was at the beach all day and tonight we're going to the dog track again. Went Mon nite and won $31.00. See ya when I get back.

Wish You Were Here - Postcard Number 55 - July 15, 1973

Dear Aunt J___,
We're on the last leg of our vacation. We've visited friends in Toronto, visited Montreal, drove across to Arcadia where we spent several days. We're now on the NY thruway heading home. What vacation plans have you? Take care.

Wish You Were Here - Postcard Number 54 - July 13, 1972

Hi,
We actually saw a number of moose that looked just like this. We're heading home now after a glorious vacation. We've spent a number of days camping in the Badlands, Black Hills, Yellowstone and The Tetons. Each seemed more spectacular than the last. Hope to see you when we're in Ohio.

Wish You Were Here - Postcard Number 53 - May 7, 1971

Dear J___,
Never ever dreamed I would visit Europe but here I am. Have seen and traveled a lot. The weather has been ideal. Miss Kleenex, mirrors, waste baskets and wash clothes. See you.

Wish You Were Here - Postcard Number 52 - Feb 2, 1970

Dear J__:
Just a note to say that I may be coming home around the 15th of February. Have got most everything done around here and it is getting to be monotonous. Am getting ants in my pants. Got a letter from F___ A____ today. She told about S___ getting stuck in the driveway and they went over and helped her out. I wish you were down here now so we could come home together. If plans change will let you know. Will be talking to you.

Wish You Were Here - Postcard Number 51 - December 30, 1969

Hi J__:
Had a smooth but long flight coming up last week. Landed in Nashville and took off for St Louis but never got there. The weather was bad so they sent us to Indianapolis. Finally got to K.C. at 2 AM, 1 1/2 hrs late. Had 1/2 in of snow at Christmas, wetting a little today. Are you going to any dances? Thanks for the magazine.